Student Case Studies
When teachers give students targeted feedback—comments that help students focus on the skills that make the most impact on their writing—students make rapid and steady progress that results in lasting improvement in their writing skills. The following case studies are a demonstration of that rapid improvement.
Case Study #1: Reggie, a Boston middle school student
Progress in Sentence Mechanics and Usage
Date: April 26
Describe a Moment of Action From the Gametargeted WEX prompt
At first Reggie’s writing stands out because it is riddled with mechanical errors, most noticeably the lack of punctuation. Looking closely, however, you can see that Reggie uses many of the strategies that strong writers use: showing (rather than “telling”), dialogue, strong verbs, sentence variety and logical sequence.
Writing Sample #1
get back on D rolando sayedstarts with dialogue to draw the reader into the moment as I look at the person coming to me I look left and right two make suer No body is about to pick me then I looked back at him then I see in his eye that he is about to pass the ball all I am thinking is to jump as High as I can and block the pass so I close my eyes and took one big jumpuses vivid detail to show what is happening and pop I did it,effective transition I jump high eneve to block the pass so then we take the ball on a 3-1 fast brack rolando pass the ball to me and I pass the ball to trebon he pass the ball back to rolando rolando took a shoot and he scord
Responding to a WEX prompt that elicited the skill of focus helped Reggie hone in on one exciting moment during a basketball game. His entry is focused (sticks to one subject) and has logical sequence, with a beginning, middle and an end. It is evident in his use of vivid details that Reggie has many ideas he wants to convey to a reader, but the quick flow of the action he was trying to describe and the urgency of his ideas led to incomplete sentences. Unfortunately, this lack of punctuation made it difficult to understand what was actually going on in the basketball game, since there is no sense of when one thought ends and another one begins. The entire entry was one big run-on sentence.
First, the WEX instructor working with Reggie gave him oral and written feedback to help him identify these strengths in his writing. Later, he showed him how the lack of capital letters and end punctuation made it difficult for a reader to appreciate these strengths. Over the course of several weeks, Reggie’s instructor continued to point out his strengths while giving him just ONE skill to do more work on: Sentence Mechanics and Usage.A writer’s ability to express a complete idea with a capital letter, subject and predicate, and end punctuation.This approach resulted in tremendous progress in a short period of time. Not only did his writing improve, Reggie’s excitement about writing and his ability to express himself with confidence never wavered. Continue reading below to see how Reggie's writing improved.
Date: May 2
Describe One Moment from Basketball in Slow Motion targeted WEX prompt
Writing Sample #2
Val said “10,9, 8” as I was flying down the corurt “7, 6, 5”dialogue captures the physical action of the momentThen I look up and saw andra comeing closer “4, 3, 2” I ran do the side “1”
Alof a suddeneffective transition it felt like I was flotingstrong, precise verb as I relesedstrong, precise verb the ball Val said “zero”. integrates dialogue to continue the action Then andra hit me like a ton of bricks. I try to turn so I could brack my fall but I could not. So I look a the basketvaries sentence beginnings to see if I made the shot. As I hit the floorvaries sentence beginningsthe ball hit the rim. The ball bancestrong, precise verb in the air I jump up as fast as I could to find out that I had missed the shot. The only thing I could do was go to andry and give him some props. On is great D.
Just one week later, Reggie’s entry is more vivid and precise—in large part because he has used some punctuation. Reggie’s instructor gave him skill drills targeting Sentence Mechanics and usage, gave him revision assignments targeting that skill, and gave him feedback in his journal. As a result, Reggie learned that using proper sentence mechanics made him better able to “show” the action of the basketball game and made his writing even more engaging. Even though Reggie forgot to use some punctuation, his use of dialogue to capture this exciting moment “hooks” the reader into the action of the countdown. He is able to slow down the rest of the action by beginning most of his sentences with capital letters and ending with periods. Some punctuation is still missing, but it does not distract the reader as much as his first entry did, so we are able to understand his meaning better.
May 12
Write About a Moment During a Memorable Haircuttargeted WEX prompt
Writing Sample #3
The last time I got a hair cut I had to take my anoiing little brotherprovides context and settingso he could get one to. When we got to the barber shopprovides context and setting I told my little brother Malik to stay in the shop. So I could run accors the streetprovides context and setting to get some juice for my momprovides context and setting. When I got back he was goin. I leved the barber shop to look for my brother and when I came back. He was wright there. And I told him “If you do that agin I going to tale mom.integrates dialogue So instead of sitting there and saying oky he copyed every word that came out of my mouth.unique way to show his brother's reaction I felt like hitting him then POW!!!sound effect shows action I hit him. He started to cry like a bady so I gaive him a hug.
In this later entry, now just three weeks after his initial one, it is evident that Reggie understands the importance of writing complete sentences as the foundation of strong, precise writing. Here Reggie’s writing seems even more focused, cohesive, and clear. Except for two long fragments and a run-on sentence—most likely the result of his experimentation with varying sentence length and complex sentences—the rest of his sentences are complete.
Case Study #2: Boston High School Student
The entry below shows that this student has some writing strengths, but is lacking focus and has the tendency to tell (rather than show) the reader what is going on. When you roll over highlighted words below with your mouse, you will see the strengths that he will learn to build upon to make his writing stronger.
Progress in Topic Development: Showing and Focus
Writing Sample #1
Jason is a good friend of mine. He is a little taller than me. He wears glasses. He has spiky hair but little longer than mine.descriptive character detailsHe has one characteristic that bothers me, he has a short temper. I am not a short temper person so being around that kind of people make me uncomfortable.begins to connect observation to emotionThough after I get to know him better, I know his problem. I learn how to deal with it and he eventually changes the way he acts.
In the first three sentences the student describes some of his friend’s physical characteristics, which is a good impulse, because details like these make it possible to paint a picture in the reader’s mind. However, these details aren’t connected to the real topic of this entry–his friend’s short temper. Instead of relating his friend’s physical characteristics to his short temper or showing us his friend’s short temper by writing an anecdote about his friend, the student just tells his readers what to believe. At this point, the student doesn’t know how to stick to one topic long enough to develop his ideas (focus), and doesn’t connect what little showing there is (details of his friend’s physical traits) to the topic he is writing about. If he had, then his unique perspective would have been much more clearly expressed.
This student’s instructor gave him oral and written feedback to help him to identify the strengths noted above, and showed him where he needed to add the skills of ShowingA writer’s ability to use precise observation, vivid detail, and compelling language to convey emotion, portray images, and present evidence and FocusA writer’s ability to stick with and develop a central theme, topic, or moment in time to better develop his ideas. The daily, targeted feedback students receive in a WEX classroom helps to build a heightened awareness of the impact of these fundamental skills, and ensures that students learn to build on strengths and address weaknesses in their own writing.
In the next entry by this student, you will see how practicing ONE skill at a time helped this student make progress in these critical skills.
One Month Later
Writing Sample #2
“I don’t like baseball in general. It’s boring,” I continued.
Watching baseball was likewatching an old lady walking infront of you and wishing she would walk faster.unique comparison I never liked baseball since I knew baseball existed.I mean what is the point of hitting the ball and running around?creates intimacy by addressing the reader directly Though after last night, everything I said about baseball has changed.his buildup and then his sudden shift in opinion creates an effective transition
David Ortiz was on the home base and ready to hit.starts in the moment of actionHe missed a few balls and received two balls and two strikes. K-Rod was the pitcher. He was one heck of a pitcher.authentic voiceHe threw a fast ball at 93 miles/hour straight at Ortiz. The crowds stood up as Ortiz hit the ball and ran to the second base and the other play(er) ran home. I was excited. I could smell the beer from the guy in front of me and the dry peanuts threw across the stadium as the crowd cheered for Ortiz.creates a vivid setting with sensory details so we feel like we are in the stadium with himI stood up and started to cheer with the crowd. It was one of the best experiences I had. It was my first baseball game.
Just one month later, you can see how the WEX Method™ has made a positive impact on this student’s ability to communicate clearly and effectively in writing. This student has begun to evolve into a more sophisticated writer, using expressive language to communicate his unique perspective and focusing long enough on one topic to fully develop his ideas. Writing dialogue is a good way to show (not just tell) the reader what is going on, so the student begins with a conversation—a effective “hook” to draw his reader in. Reading this conversation shows us how he used to feel about baseball. He also uses a unique and clever comparison (watching an old lady walk in front of you) to show us exactly how boring he thought baseball was. Instead of simply telling us that he changed his mind about baseball, he shows us how his feelings changed by writing an anecdote that describes a pivotal game. He uses specific, concrete details that make us feel we are at the game with him, and connects these details to his thoughts and emotions. His use of showing helps us understand his unique experience because it integrates his thoughts, emotions, and reactions into a detailed narrative.
This entry may not be “perfect” (error-free) but you can see that there has been a “growth spurt.” This student has made rapid progress in the writing skills that matter the most. Our skill-building curriculum is designed so that students learn the skills that have the most dramatic impact on their writing first, and then make sure and steady progress until they have mastered all of the fundamentals of good writing.
