Polishing: A Narrative
Students develop a three dimensional character through journal writing and revise the plot to follow a traditional narrative structure. But they know that they will not be published in a collection of The Writers’ Express unless they leave time to clean up the technical errors.
The Raven
Stillness, not a soul crept. There wasn’t a sign of anything living. The large clock tower chimed twelve consecutive times. The normally bustling city of Boston was unusually quiet. Instincts raged within the people. Instincts that said, "Stay low.” The streets were deserted. Buildings stood like shadows as if they were wearing cloaks of black. A sense of doom infested the city. The trees were as still as if death had brushed by them. A dark silhouette with red eyes floated through the sky. As the stars’ light struck the silhouette, its figure was revealed. It was the Raven, keeper of souls. Slowly he descended upon a shop. He perched there, silently, and waited. Above, in space, all the stars drifted out of sight of Boston. The only lighting was the cold, full moon.
A boy ran up to another boy. The two boys were best friends. Both of them were fourth graders. One boy, Johnson, always wore shorts and a T-shirt with a dragon on it. He had about fifteen of them at home. The dragon forced power into him. Once he had accepted a dare to run up and kick an old lady right in front of the police station. Then run away. He ran like a cheetah. The other boy, Tommy, was not particularly athletic, would dress for the weather and most of all was not especially brave. In fact he was a coward. He was so much of a coward that he practically wouldn’t take any kind of risks at all. He tried to understand that supernatural things were not real, but he still shook with fear whenever someone said, "troll.” Johnson on the other hand sincerely wished trolls and dragons were real so he could fight them. But here they were out walking in the middle of the night without their parents’ permission.
In a game of Major Dares, Johnson and Tommy had lost the game and had to take this dare: Go out on a spooky night, and go to the scariest place in town. Now Tommy wanted to cheat and go out on a non-scary night and go to a non-scary place. But Johnson had other plans. "This is a way to gain popularity,” Johnson thought. "Come on, man, you’re late. I wanted to get here earlier so we could be there by midnight. That’s the freakiest part of the night,” Johnson said angrily.
"So it’s 12:10. What’s the difference? Can we go home now? We can just say that this street...Oooh what is it Necco St. is the scariest part of town? You’ll still be cool and all.”
"Ha, yeah right,” Johnson replied.
"Where are we going anyway? What’s the scariest place in town,” Tommy said.
"You don’t know?!” Johnson said snobbishly. "The site of The Big Dig.”
"I know, I know. I was hoping you’d forget,” an unhappy Tommy replied. After about 20 minutes of walking and Tommy complaining they approached the monstrous hole in which layers of this green metal netting were being laid. "You know this is illegal,” Tommy said nervously.
"Of course it is,” said Johnson. "Where’s your sense of adventure?”
"Y-y-you did bring the flashlight, right?” asked Tommy almost shaking with a blend of fear and freeze. It was a winter night and Tommy had underestimated how cold it was.
"Of course I did,” snapped Johnson. "I’m not that stupid.”
"Then turn it on and flash it on that!!!” Tommy screamed and pointed to a lumbering giant swinging a huge ball and chain. Johnson casually walked over and pointed his Mag-light at the giant.
"It’s a crane, you wimp. Come on.”
Tommy looked at the buttons and levers on the crane one more time and said, "You go ahead I’m going to stay here and have a look at this crane.” Another interest of Tommy’s was mechanics. The crane took Tommy and pulled him right into it. Both his eyes stuck to it and he couldn’t move. Johnson started to walk away.
Going down into the construction site,” Johnson said. "And I’m keeping the flashlight.”
"That’s okay, the crane has a little light so I can see the buttons.”
"Okay.” Johnson started to walk. He took two more steps then looked back. Tommy was studying the crane. "Are you sure you want to be here alone without me. I think you should come.”
"No, you go. I’ll be fine.”
Finally Johnson said, "Actually I’m going to stay up here with you. Um, I think this crane is really interesting too.” The two boys studied the crane for a while.
A dark, winged figure glared at them from above with its scarlet eyes. The eyes flashed, and their Mag-Light went out. The few remaining city lights went out, and the only lighting was the cold, full moon. "Uh oh,” both boys whispered together.
The dark, winged figure with red eyes flew over them. Tommy said, "Did you notice that that bird has been following us around. I saw him when I left my house.”
"I thought I saw him when I left mine too,” Johnson replied thoughtfully. They continued walking. "And I saw him right before the flashlight went out.”
Tommy yelled at it, "I’m not afraid of you ya scrawny black bird. Come down here and fight like a bird.”
The Raven just flew away.
